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im sort of done thinking. not fully. but im going to stop thinking for now and think again another time if need be. i must be happy. (:
was shutting myself out then someone [i still dont know who] smsed me to go online quickly. apparently it was for estherfez because people started asking me to go blog quickly. so i posted some rubbish entry. actually now i have a lot to add but i dont think im allowed to edit it anymore right? anyway after posting i decided to switch off my phone. because i. needed. to. think.
anyway ive found a new way to help myself- express my thoughts through drawings [since i cant explain them in words]! i shall show you two of them which i drew yesterday.
this was done earlier when i was down.
and this was done later when i was feeling worse.
kudos to anyone who can decipher it. i can explain it [my wonderful artwork] to you if you want! though it's not really meant to be deciphered. i put it up because i thought it looked cool! hoho maybe i should go do abstract art.
i think my sister was worried yesterday. because i sat on my bed and started scribbling really hard using my pen. eeyer, i think i wasted a lot of ink. then today when i woke up i went out of my room she told me that she thought i was going crazy because crazy people draw weird stuff.
hoho i decided to be mean. so i pretended not to hear her. and walked over to take paper and a penknife and started slashing the paper. and she was seriously scared because she was alone with me since my bro went to school and my mum and dad went to work. then i decided to stop. i dropped the penknife walked over, gave her a big grin and said "eh, im okay already la. just fooling around."
lol. so peiling can look like she's going crazy. mmm. that's interesting.
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yesterday
enrolment.
i got my lanyard! and my gbk badge! and my chevron- which dropped off. ah i want my chevron back. i think it dropped off while we were taking company photo. taking photos was fun. xp
batchlunch.
while we were walking to bugis i bought stickers! MY OBSESSION WITH STICKERS. the pasar malam at marine parade was better but still... i bought stickers! screams. hoho, and some people bought stickers along with me.
stickers tempt me. hoho.
went to pastamania for lunch. eeyer. i dont like having such a huge batch. it's well... hard to bond. and it didnt help that it was a long rectangular table and therefore you dont get to talk to everyone. which is... bad. i went around taking photos. hoho. and i went over to the other side of the table to take photos for them!
took batch photo later [though like some people were missing] and we were wondering who to ask to help us to take. then we spotted lina and michcheong! so we asked them to come up and help us take photos. they were really nice about it. hoho. nice seniors! considering that we were so fickleminded and we moved from the bridge to the staircase and took ages.
twinnie and i showed hannah and yunxi our gangfight. but... it was rather weird and pretty screwed. and i think it was pretty bad. because we werent in the mood to have a gangfight and the staircase was just... a weird place to fight. ehh sorry hannah and yunxi! show you again some other time before/after gb meeting or something. the one we showed you was... screwed. must show you our cool one and our spastic one.
walked around with limmy becky and ruoting later on. went to bugis street but didnt walk through the whole thing. i dont know why, the things that we saw... just wasnt my taste. and it's weird because i went there not long ago and i saw pretty cool and nice stuff. and i was sad because I COUDLNT FIND A CALVIN&HOBBES SHIRT. the store which i saw sold the shirt last time was selling some weird "little devil" tshirt. like hello? calvin and hobbes beats it hands down. totally.
here are some photos.
batch08 levites! hoho. levites rule.
batch08. dont try to fight us.
another photo with us trying to look dao. want to fight?
and lina said something like "these are our JUNIORS trying to look dao". lol!
food glorious food!
country baked pasta!
some random photo twinnie took. it has some percentage of alcohol. of which i have forgotten. 7.5%? 6.9%? i cant remember.
does limmy look cute or does she look cute? haha. i dont think she knew i was planing to take her.
hannah eating! she looks so cute. hoho. i think i rock at taking photos.
stella looking sad because she has finished her food. awww. ):
someone stole the food!
look who's in the bg trying to cover her face? ning! the person who had been trying to evade my cam. hoho. once again, i rock dont i. hurhur.
jon's high tea bbq.
reached home when jon called me and asked me whether i wanted to go over to have bbq. it was close to 4pm so i asked him was it bbq dinner or bbq lunch or what. could him shouting over the phone asking the rest what it was. then he replied "uh. it's a uh high-tea bbq. yes high tea bbq." was really amused by his answer so i walked over.
was talking to brandon by the pool then jere and yiting ran towards us and knocked us into the pool. =/ but of course peiling is smart as always. and when it's a bbq or something related to the pool peiling wears black shirts! and peiling was wearing a big baggy black shirt! alliteration! but my shorts were falling off la, bad thing about wearing loose boardshorts.
so we pretended that we needed help to climb out of the pool- the super old tactic. and jere and yiting helped us out and we pulled them in. hoho. then we decided to dunk the remaining people in. so fun so fun! rubs hands gleefully.
oh now comes the super funny part. jon was the last one left undunked. so i was chasing after him and he was eating his chicken wing. then somehow he nearly tripped over a tree branch and his chicken wing flew out of his hand so he was trying desperately to catch it. and lol! he landed in the pool with his chicken wing uh in the pool too. ha. that's worse than me slipping and falling into the pool myself last time. sticks tongue out.
played in the pool and went up and used his comp for a while. then leon said something that stressed me out and then everything was bad. so i decided to go home first. they wanted to walk me home but i needed some time alone. thanks guys anyway.
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was reading hil's post on the estherfez blog thing.
i thought her post was rather different from the rest.
and it applies to me somehow. wait actually it applies to me quite a lot.
and it is pretty much a wakeup call for me.
and it's making me think. hmmm.
excuses can be made easily. ask me to give an excuse for something/someone and i can make up one straightaway. right on the spot. it isnt something difficult to do. after all, there are so many things you can use as an excuse- time, effort, people, surroundings... everything and anything.
then i start to think.
is God's will paling in comparison to my will/others will?
is the importance of God paling in comparison to the world?
is eternal and everlasting joy and pleasure paling in comparison to the temporary happiness here on earth?
is God being overruled by other things in my life?
i make excuses and protest when God asks me to do something, because it is considered to be against the norm.
but do i make excuses and protest not to join the norm, because it is against God's will?
it's hard. because somehow or another i am affected by the people around me. what they think, how they feel. and it's God's qualification vs human qualification. staying in Christ vs conforming to the world. it's always a tough decision. because i can feel the happiness, no matter how short-lived it is now. and as for the eternal and everlasting joy, sometimes it seems so distant, so faraway. i dont know about others but for me, having contact with something makes me feel safer [i dont know whether anyone will understand what im talking about]. but... faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. and i have faith and i must hold on to it and store up treasures in heaven, not on earth.
"make a stand!"
many times i will be sitting on the fence. on one hand, i dont want to go against God, but then again, i dont want to be part of the "out" crowd [i believe no one wants to be part of the "out" crowd, no matter what they say about them not caring whether they are "in" or not, or criticising the "in" crowd. because it is human nature to want to be "in", to not be left out, to not be some outcast.]
there's no safeline. there's no inbetween. i cannot sit on the fence anymore. it's either i do God's will, or i go against His will. it's my choice, but i bear whatever consequences that result from my decision.
it's time for me to wake up.
it's time for me to stop making excuses and to start doing God's will.
"whenever you struggle with things, even with doing God's will, share it with someone!" hoho. i know what i shall do next time.
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hannah: lol. my posts are getting shallower and shallower. lol they used to bully me when i was young okay! and i know i used to feel sad ): because the age gap between me and my bro is 3 years and my sis 5 years. and i didnt have much to talk to them about, but of course now it's different. yes be nice to your younger siblings
jess: you call that deep? gasps. lol. thankyou. i know my stupid ugly computer drawing rocked.
leon: nah it's okay. im fine now. see? -jumps around. im alive and kicking.
jon: yes i could see it was a decision made very quickly. high-tea bbq. lol! im very amused still. mm. thanks for the bbq anyway. im okay now. see? -twirls around. eh wait that sounded wrong. twirling is like ballet, and ballet is so not me. shudders.
mingjing: lol. it's okay la. (: i know when im reaching my breaking point. dont worry when i reach my breaking point i will be screaming at everyone to help me.
short: yay! you can go watch with me! havnt asked anyone yet. but doubt anyone will be free la. and since you volunteered... hoho! but you got netball on thursday right? or you want to watch on friday? whee! you know i havnt really watched ice age 2. only watched like bits and pieces of it.
brandon: lol yes im okay! im fine! yah got like what 8 missed calls from you please! mmm. my sister told me she was smsing anyone she could think of. mm pretty great of her eh. guess i really worried her. heh. ya they will understand but still... it's aiyah i dont know. you know i will stick to my answer. i cant ignore them.
simin: nah im fine. jst that ive thinking a lot over the past week. you cheer up girl. (: people change over time. and that's inevitable.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUOTING!
eeyer. im thinking again. hmmm. hopefully this thinking wont turn into something dangerous and scary and make me start acting like im going crazy.
actually even after all the thinkings ive been going through. i still say: thinking is good after all. that is if you manage to come out of it.
i must be happy tomorrow during battlefield tour. i cannot be sad. (:
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so you think you can dance?
hoho. so fun.
SHORT DID YOU WATCH IN THE END.
i tell you heck about homework. i havnt done anything. but who cares?
im thinking. and it isnt exactly something very happy, but somehow im feeling happy. oxymoronic? i dont know.
let's hope it doesnt evolve to something too heavy for me to carry.
mmm.
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simple facts
peiling
30 march
christian
tnsrgs
simple words